Just Me - My Journey So Far: My Life

My Family Vs Tears

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 13:54:30 GMT

Past 2 weeks had been very emotional for my family. All because of my sister's celebrating the happiest day of her life, her wedding.

Much tears were shed, tears of joy, tears of letting go, tears of mixed feelings. All of us cried. My father cried during the tea ceremony, my mom cried during the hair combing ceremony, my sister, my brother and I all cried uncontrollably during the wedding reception speech. That's how we are, and That's my family that I'm SO proud of !!

The chances of all of us getting together are pretty rare nowadays. So it's actually quite refreshing to see each other all getting this emotional during this family gathering haha.

At the departure gate @ KLIA, baby Chen-Yi started crying when Jie Jie's about to walk in, and he for no reason, stopped crying minutes after we lost sight of her. Could it be that he shared the sadness of separating? Or could it be that he did it on purpose to relieve/ distract all of us from an emotional goodbye?

Jie Jie and Richard, be HAPPY always ya! Gogo loves you much !

How To Afford a RM500,000 HOME ?

Fri, 12 Sep 2008 14:54:53 GMT

Lately, I've been contemplating to buy a condo unit. Nice place, nice view, nice location... but the price is close to RM500,000.

WHat's frustrating is that I cant see myself affording a HOME at that price range:

1) My current salary sure cant support it.

2) Even with additional music production jobs dont even seem that promising, especially when that income isnt even consistant.

3) Selling songs to local artist for RM200/song dont really help either.

4) Bear in mind my wife and my cars are already over 7 years old.

5) Additional savings are necessary aside from pouring all the money towards that HOME.

6) Baby Chen Yi's expenses and education fund, of course with Chen Er and Chen San in mind...

How? The answer is simple: increase the income. But it seems I've pretty much used up my time to full capacity, balancing between work and family.

Me not a money-minded person. All I wanted from life is to do what I LOVE, and to live comfortably. The place I wanted is actually quite far from luxurious... and that sucks even more! I cant even afford a slightly above average kinda lifestyle. What the FUCK???

Maybe some adjustment is needed in my life. Any tips or suggestions?

I'm saying it nicely: PLEASE F*#^king LEAVE !!!

Sun, 31 Aug 2008 14:26:13 GMT

You being here supposed to help. But you've become a burden and create f%^#$@king tons of stress. My patience is running out...

The constant takeover, the constant negativity in your tone and words, the constant blame assigning... I've had just enough of it. The mere sight of you f^%$&king pisses me off. Go HOME!!!

I'm trying the best to put it nicely... PLEASE F^%#$king LEAVE!!!

ER Visit

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 14:55:16 GMT

Never would I thought I'll visit an Emergency Room... at least it's a thought that never occurred to me. But it happened...

Sat night, a day after Chen Yi's full moon party, we heard a scream coming from his bed. We picked him up but soon realised something's wrong... he was crying but there was hardly any noise... his body became so stiff that it seemed like he was in some sorta spasm. Not too long after... he had trouble breathing as his face turned red.

Panicked! Panicked! Panicked! What to do?

I raced him to HUKM, while listening to his troubled breathing and uncomfortable murmur... remained as calm as possible for my wife and mom... before they took him into the ER.

While Chen Yi's finally ok... but there's no definitive answer for this incident. It seems he choked and cant quite catch his breath.

Lots of tears were shed that night... from us... from our parents. But so much thanks to Pin as once again, you've helped and supported us for just being there.

Being a parent is of course tiring... but not so much physically... but mentally and emotionally that drains all the energy out of you.

Chen Yi, be healthy and happy ya. Please allow us more time... to learn to be a great parent!

What MORE could I ask for ?

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 13:01:14 GMT

Guess what I'm doing now?

I'm writing blog... my lovely wife sitting beside me, feeding baby Chen Yi... and we're listening and grooving to the music I produced. (Alternating between 张起政 <这一刻> and Danny's <Say Goodbye> )

A quiet evening... but what more could I ask for?

I got the love of my life, my music, and my future here... Thank God for blessing us!

The Beginning... Welcome Chen Yi !!!

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 03:19:12 GMT

2008 July 22nd, 5.05pm - a new chapter of my life began. A baby boy who weighs 2.93kg... Welcome Chen Yi !!!

Can I be a good dad? Will I be a good dad? I'd definitely try the hardest I can !!!

THANKS to all who had sent in your wishes... We were overwhelmed and still are... but me and Yin do really appreciate it !!!

2nd Half 2008 is ALL About CHANGES !

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 03:29:34 GMT

It's a weird feelings... it seems the rest of 2008's gonna be damn interesting... a lot of excitement mixed with some uneasiness. Life's all about changes... but I dunno if I'm ready for it... just yet...

1) Change in my work. Well... there's actually not that much change to it.... but still... it's interesting to say the least... Got some big plan, just need some time to put it in gears.

2) Countdown to my baby's arrival. As each day gets closer, my heart gets...... so much love's awaiting you here alright... cant wait to finally meet you...

3) Qi Zheng's album in store in a week. For all I know... it could very well be his LAST album if it doesnt do well. Me and Yin had put a lot of heart and soul to it at the same time praying for it to work.

4) My sister's wedding in Sept... hope I could get myself together and be ready, be the responsible big bro for the biggest day of her life!

And there are a whole lot more going on in my head right now and honestly, I'm getting overwhelmed... I just dunno if I could cope with it... I guess I MUST, but I just havent figure out the HOW yet...

I think I'll find out the answer along the way...

About Birthday...

Sun, 06 Jul 2008 13:48:26 GMT

Happy Birthday!!! It's been a year now since I started my 1st article... still I found that there's not much to see on my blog. Part of it is due to limitations of spaces... and I promise to keep it up this coming year too. Happy Birthday ya!

Also, I went to a birthday party last night... a proud student of mine JiaHao celebrating his 20th birthday. There we ran into a lot of our school graduates, Jing Soon, Emily, Alan, Ye Yong, Xiao Hong, Yee Theng and of course Jia Hao. Havent seen them for a long while now... a lot of catching up, a lot of fun to talk bout music and hala-hala. Some still follow the dream, some are down bout it, some are too busy... and some had left it cold.

It reminds me of old time... and all the wonderful memories. I really do wish them well... and guys... feel free to let me know if there's anything I could help with. You all know where to find me.

I really had a great time... so great that I drank up 5 or 6 can of beers... and Jia Hao's mom even packed up another 3 cans for me to take home haha...

Cheers!!!

Done and Down...

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 08:20:23 GMT

So the good news is, the project I've been working on for the past 6 months is finally done.

But the bad news is, I'm sicked again. Doctor said it started from the nose allergy (I'm pretty sure it's due to our company's renovation), then throat infection that led to headache, and also the lack of sleep as the project rushes the finish line... and boomed... I'm down.

It sucked, but I'm also quite relieved as I finally can catch up to all the sleep loss. I really hasnt been sleeping well for the past couple weeks...

Anyway, look out for my latest baby in store very soon, <这一刻的张起政>。 Will write more about it when I feel better ya... a little groggy right now. Until next time my friend....

人间音缘 Songwriting Competition World Finals

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 08:12:57 GMT

By various unforeseen reasons and coinsidenses, I was invited as judge for 人间音缘 Songwriting Competition World Finals on 7th June 2008. This is an event organised by FoGuangShan, aim to encourage Buddhist's philosophy/message to be spread thru music.

It was an interesting event to say the least. In no other event shall one get the opportunity to hear and enjoy music from 22 different countries. There are contestants from Argentina, Vienne, Brazil, Korea, England, US, South Africa and of course other Asian countries. Music ranges from New Age, Latin, Classical, Pop, R&B, Rock to 20th Century experimental music etc.

While some compositions are nowhere near professional level, but there are quite a few surprises and I really do enjoy it... especially the winning songs from South Africa, Korea and Texas are just so damn good!!!

Thru out the 3 day event, I was a little uncomfortable at first and felt out of place. For starter, even though I'm leaning towards Buddhist philosophy, but I was never the serious devoted one. 2ndly, other judges are really experienced musicians, and some had whole-heartedly devoted their lives towards Buddhist music. And then... there's ME!!!

But oh well, according to Master Oogway from Kung Fu Panda, "There's NO Accident!". And it's down to Yuan 缘 I guess, a Buddhist belief... it all happens for a reason.

I'd always appreciate this opportunity and its unique experience. Thanks!

P.S. Yup, that's me showing an inappropriate Victory sign on TV. Oh well... I still cant figure out how to act mature and cool...

Me Vs Music... Now Vs Then

Thu, 08 May 2008 14:38:21 GMT

10 years ago, I was in college. There's only one thing in my mind: MUSIC! To be more precise, BALLADS!

In college, I was known as the pop guy... cheesy mushy Tan who loved and wrote all the ballads. The fact is, it's TRUE! It probably has something to do with me being Asian... I LOVE piano + strings arrangement... and those heartfelt dramatic shit.... and there's only one kinda music I could and wanted to do : BALLADS!

10 years later, I have a "MOMENT" the other day looking at 4 of my latest work... an old school Rock N Roll song, a Rock ballad, a Korean Dance number, and a "yo" Hip Hop song.

Wow... it's really weird.... How the hell did I get here?

Me not saying I'm great or anything now... but it's definitely a huge difference from 10 years ago... hell ya it's definitely much more FUN now!

So, what will I be doing 10 years from now? My wife said I'd probably be doing children music for my kids... hmm... that's something worth thinking about haha...

Guess I'll let y'all know in 10 years ya.

Porridge

Fri, 04 Apr 2008 13:53:12 GMT

For the past few days, I've been MIA. The truth is, I'm sicked again... so's my wife. It really sucks... sigh...

Anyway, we're like old folks, staying home and resting... cooking ourselves porridge for the past 4 days. Yes... bread and porridge with can vegetables and those dry chicken fluffs, 肉丝。While we're eating, we talked about porridge from different places that we like... and I thought about the BEST porridge I'd ever had.

The best porridge I've ever had was brought to me by my sister 5 years ago. I just moved to KL, still not getting used to the weather and lifestyle... oh... of course it was NOT prepared by her haha. It was cooked then by her mother-in-law now. It was SO fresh and sweet... there's scallop... fish... meat... some chinese herb I think... it was FANTASDELICIOUS!!!

Well... that was the one and only time I had that. Just thought I'll share it with you guys.... haha... kinda a pointless story. But if me and my wife were to become somebody's parents... we really need to start by taking good care of ourselves... Gambate ya!!!

红姐姐系列3之《我是第一名》儿童歌舞剧

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 12:48:28 GMT

We went to watch a children musical produced by a friend, 秀琴姐。When I said children musical... hmm... maybe I should phrase it as musical for kids but starring adult actors.

It was performed on one of the best theater in Malaysia, Istana Budaya. So all the settings, the lights, the sound, the set design was all very nice. The story, the acting, the dance choreography were all very decent. The smaller hall gave an intimate feelings that allows a lot of interaction between the actors and audiences.

What's my role in this? Basically I overlooked the music production for this show. I didnt have to do much this time, thanks to my capable hands, Haw and Jos.

Anyway after the show, had a brief chat with 秀琴姐. The box office was real well... they're sold out for the 3 days. But nevertheless, just breaking even as the production cost is quite high, and tickets were sold cheap.

In Malaysia, there are a LOT of musicals w/ historian figures. I guess Historian Figures = Culture. Theater = Cultural Event. These are the shows that usually get strong financial backup. But THAT to me = BORING!!!

I was there once for《天心月圆》to support a friend who starred in it, I have to REALLY control myself NOT to walk out during the 2nd act. Music's supposed to be fun! Dont get all serious and preachy on me.... zzz

So really look forward to our own FAME or DISNEY-like Musical here! And really look forward to be a part of THAT!

P.S. Feel free to drop in any recommendations for musicals in town!

关灯日 - 15 minutes

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 13:56:32 GMT

March 29th Sat, it was the "Shut Off the Light" Day. (I'm sure there's an official English term for it haha. Maybe someone could enlighten me... )

I guess we're supposed to shut off all our electricity use between 8pm-9pm. By the time we came back from dinner, it's already 8.45pm. Nevertheless, we light up 2 candles... cuddled up on the sofa... enjoyed the candlelight... and just talked. It was truly an amazing feelings, no distractions, no noise, no lights... the rest of the world seemed still... and that 15 minutes seemed to pull us close, closer than any other nights.

I also discovered 3 other things that night:

1) 15 minutes is a LOT longer than I thought...
2) Those short little birthday candles we put on cakes... last longer than 15 minutes...
3) Cuddle up on the couch without a fan or AC in Malaysia is definitely NOT as romantic... it's kinda hot actually...

Will I do it again? I'm actually thinking of putting it in our weekly schedule... but of course with the use of a fan ! Haha

喜欢武侠小说

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 08:08:05 GMT

One thing that I absolutely love in life, is reading 武侠小说.

I love fiction. I've finished the whole卫斯理 series, 70 somewhat books, before 2ndary school. Then started on 金庸... finished it then moved on to some古龙。Nothing beats a good 武侠小说!

But damn it's so hard to find one that's worth reading nowadays. I've tried 卧龙生，温瑞安，黄易... but it doesnt mount to the satisfaction I got from the 2 Masters. I even tried the latest Award Winning《多情浪子痴情侠》by 郑丰, named as successor to 金庸... endorsed by SO many artists and writers. Sigh... I ended up in total disappointment... not even close...

I know my dad will probably go, "Aiyo... at this age still reading 武侠小说? Grow up! " Oh well, me really not deep at all, and neither do I try to be haha. So if anyone can help me out, feel free to throw me some suggestions ya... I'll buy you dinner if it's good.

DO NOT DISTURB!!!

Mon, 28 Jan 2008 13:03:14 GMT

Since 2008, I've really focused on feeling and listening to my inner voice... been a while since I did that. I tried hard to keep all the negative energy out of my system. All the bullshit and stuff that doesnt concern me, I stopped butting my head in, I stopped caring. Yup, it's time to be real selfish!

Seriously, Jay Chou claimed he's busy. I have a mission too! This time around with something musical, something creative. Yes I'm excited... music, rhythm and melody I havent been feeling for a while was flowing right out of me again. It's a WONDERFUL feeling!

Now I only need some room, some piece of quiet to put it all in place before introduce them to you all... and of course in hope that you'd like it. So all these complications in work or personal, students problems, sales pressure etc... may I politely ask you to FUCKING GO AWAY!

2008 I'm feeling it. So, PLEASE DO NOT DISTURB!!!

Melt Away...

Fri, 04 Jan 2008 09:17:41 GMT

Do you know how it felt when your heart melt away? It's a spectacular feeling... there's just no words to describe it but you'll know it when it happens. Today, my heart melt away right after I saw a... heartbeat!

Goodbye 2007... Hello 2008

Tue, 01 Jan 2008 00:47:52 GMT

Here's a look back at 2007...

1) My 1st attempt at a mini musical - AiFM 爱新年音乐舞台剧
2) My 1st trip to Hong Kong
3) My 1st trip to Bei Jing
4) Got on the Great Wall of China
5) Put on a decent show - Music Spirit Charity Concert 音乐精灵慈善演唱会
6) My 1st music camp - Music Darling 音乐达人

Not so much was accomplished... especially musically... but it was definitely a year with some surprising twist and turn... and emotional ups and downs...

What's ahead in 2008?

1) My new work will premiere on AiFM January 7th 2008
2) 2 crucial album projects to jump start 2008
3) A possible attempt at another musical
4) A HUGE personal project in August
5) My beloved sis' wedding in Sept / Oct

Sounds more interesting already? It definitely seems so. My goal for 2008: "DO what I love... and have some fun along the way!" Sounds simple?

Well... I AM a simple man!

Some Good Stories...

Sun, 23 Dec 2007 14:04:22 GMT

So I went back home for a few last week... showing my sister's blog to my parents. Some recent articles she wrote has been very moving... and I wanted to share it with them. My parents became quiet after reading the blog... and their eyes slowly all welled up... not much words were exchanged but we all knew what we felt inside.

To know me... to know where I'm from... if anyone has the slightest interest... there are some good stories in my sis's articles entitled "Going Home".

Love you Jie Jie!

http://my.hibiscusrealm.net/prettyinyun

GOING Vs STAYING

Wed, 21 Nov 2007 08:54:49 GMT

So after a brief stay for a week or so, I took my sister back to the airport as she's flying back to England.

For 7 years, I was the one that was on the other side of the gate... and the feeling of separation was never this intense. That's how I figure, if you're the one GOING, you're leaving for something... you're getting back to your life. But on the other hand, STAYING means going on with life BUT losing something/someone that was once here.

I dont like that feeling... in fact I HATE IT !!!

I do feel very proud bout my family... but the chances of getting together are really rare now. Me was away for 7 years... now my sis for 4 years and counting... and I know my bro definitely has the ambitions going for better and bigger things later. I guess that's just the reality and there aint nothing we could do about it. Nevertheless...

Gambate ne Jie Jie, we all miss you dearly here!!!

Happy Birthday to Me !

Mon, 12 Nov 2007 13:46:37 GMT

So, I've just celebrated my 31st birthday. And It was indeed a truly special and unique birthday.

Family
My sis was back from England for vacation. This perfect timing has brought the family together for my birthday. I cant remember the last time the 5 of us get together for anyone's birthday... it must be years ago. Nothing beats having the ones you love by your side!

Colleagues
Towards the end of my class, my colleagues walked in with a cake and a song... oh yeah... and wearing funny hats too. Will post the pic up soon.

Students
In the middle of our weekly performing club gathering, my students shut off the lights and walked in with a cake and a song... I myself was quite confused at first as I thought it's for somebody else. Thanks guys so much for the thoughts!

All and all, it's GREAT and I cant ask for more! But... I dunno why... deep down inside... I'm just not as happy as I should be... I'm not sad... I just... dont feel much lately. Can it be because I'm getting older? Or is it because of the stress and challenges in the coming year? Sigh...

Thanks to those who put in the time + effort + thoughts in me. I'm sorry if I didnt show enough appreciation... or gratitude... or excitement... or love. I will get better I promise...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME !!!

Big Brother, His Wife & Their Roles

Tue, 23 Oct 2007 14:16:26 GMT

I'm the eldest in the family... have a sister who's 4 years younger... and a little brother who's 8 years younger. Even though there's quite the age difference, we got along real well. We play, we study, we laugh, we cry, we fight etc... Mom always says it's because as the big brother, I'm immature. I guess she's probably right... I still now sometimes behave kid like at my age... my sis & bro are definitely more mature and 稳重. Oh well...

Since I got married, my mom always stresses the importance of the big brother role... saying I NEED to be the person who keeps the family tight when they're gone. Not exactly something that I want to hear... not something I want to think about at all. She also told Yin that as the big brother's wife, she MUST bear responsibility in this matter. It's very traditional... but... it's true. And I do understand their worries and concern.

Seriously, I really dunno how I go about doing that... my bro and sis are doing so well that I doubt they'd need anything from me. BUT it does spark certain awareness in me, certain affirmation that if one day shall that happen, I'd step up and do what my parents wanted. Be the big brother and keep the family tight! It does sound kinda cheesy spelling it out like this... but Pin and Jie Jie if you're reading this, we shall all bear this a reminder and in check forever.

My wife Yin comes from a family who are not used to sharing... feelings and emotions are usually not communicated out and openly. So seeing her interact with my family is both fun and funny to me... but she's getting better... with a lot more talking, joking, and hugging now. During this last trip, I was touched as I felt that she's step up and fill in the big brother's wife role. She is aware of the responsibility and things expected of her. And I LOVE her for that !!!

I'm not saying me the perfect family man now. I'm still a son who doesnt visit home... who forgets to call... and a brother who may not be in touch enough... but I hope... I want to get better at it... at becoming the BIG BROTHER!!!

P.S. Yeah I know... it's a little much with all the cheesy family talk... I guess me just in that mood... cant help it... Attached are my sis and bro

Going HOME

Mon, 22 Oct 2007 13:43:00 GMT

The older I get, the more I love GOING HOME. Even though chances of me going back to Kluang are rare now especially after getting married... BUT I truly enjoy every minute that I'm there...

I always think that I'm the luckiest person to be born into this family. My parents did such a great job that I just hope that I could be as great a parent as them. I also have a brilliant sister who now lives in England and doing REAL well career wise... come back will ya? And a handsome cool brother who's now in Medical School... spend more time with your family will ya? I hate to say it.... but I guess Clever does run in this family hahahaha...

There's not much to do in Kluang...

1) I usually take an afternoon nap
2) Chat and catch up with my parents
3) Go to the mall so small that you could finish window shopping in 10 mins
4) Watch that Hokkien Drama Yi Nan Wang with dad... damn it, it's actually REALLY good!
5) Sit on our Ogawa massage chair
6) Kill mosquito that feast on me.... fresh meat I guess
7) Scratch those mosquito bite... duh
8) Go to everyone's favourite breakfast place, at the Kluang Train Station.
9) Buy that delicious supper Ji Chong Fan + Cai Tao Kuih + BoboChaCha
10) Enjoy home cooking FINALLY

It's quite boring right? Yes but I dunno why... it's the ONLY place that I could completely let loose, rest and sleep. I just CANT do it in KL... I think they say it's some kinda urban disease. Whenever I have some time in KL... I just HAVE TO KILL IT by doing something... I'm restless...

1) I will wanna play my PS2
2) Watch TV
3) Watch DVD Drama/Animation
4) Maybe getting Online
5) Go to Petaling Street to find the latest Japanese Drama
6) Go to a mall... whichever new one that just pop open... kiasu?
7) Go to a movie
8) GO do anything... even though I DONT want it, need it or like it... as long as it's NOT nothing!!!

F$*&^... damn useless and unproductive and just plain TIRING! Ironic isnt it? It's sick but sometimes I actually prefer my working day than my off day... what the F%$#^ is WRONG with me???

Anyway, to Dear Kluang, my HOME and only sacred place, Thank You!
Thanks Mom and Dad, Jie Jie and A Pin!!! Love you all and Muak!!!

Emotional...

Mon, 17 Sep 2007 09:20:33 GMT

Been away for a few days. Brought a gang of students down to Singapore for a crucial audition for 3 days. They did alright though... but I came back feeling quite HURT and VERY disappointed.

Me not saying I'm a great teacher... but after these few years juggling my roles as musician, head of school and music educator, I could honestly say, I care a LOT bout my students. Hope of seeing them succeed has become so great that many times it exceeds my own. But it does SUCK when your expectations arent met, or your effort went unappreciated...

Sigh... I guess that's LIFE ya... and I'm just getting a little bit sick and tired of it right now...

Compromise?

Mon, 03 Sep 2007 15:59:07 GMT

PART 1
A friend whose opinion I value told me recently that my latest work, Music Spirit Theme Song wasnt very good. No happy feelings she said. Truthfully, it bug me quite a bit. After reflecting on it, here's what I think.

Song
It works! It IS a theme song. Catchy hook with happy bouncy feel that begs for a sing-along.

Arrangement
It's nothing new or original but it's something new from me... something that I've been wanting to try. The end result worked out pretty well I think.

Vocals
Alright I'd admit it. It's sub-standard. Can it be better ? Hell ya!!! But in all fairness to the singers, here's why :
1) It's performed by students who were handed out lyrics moments before recordings who have little or no experience.
2) Undesirable environment for group recordings when a lot of times we cant even hear what we record.
3) Overwhelmed with concert prep, me on Low Battery.
4) Deadline

Nono, me NOT looking for excuses... merely stating the fact. I'd definitely bear the responsibility for NOT making the song or my students sound better !!!

...
...
...
...
...

PART 2
While me were down and reflecting on myself, I heard a radio station anniversary theme song performed by its DJs. And... what the?

It's a project with some budget I'd assumed, produced by a top Malaysian producer, recorded in a nice studio, with superstar DJs who're proud and comfortable w/ their own voices. But the end result is,,, how should I put it nicely.... CRAP!

Somebody please correct me if I'm just blinded by my own ego, but I'd swear by my wife's head (sorry darling...), our theme song has so much more spirit, fun and passion !!!

...
...
...
...
...

PART 3
Me shouldnt compare myself with others, should only strive to surpass my own self... that I get. But since I been back to Malaysia, there isnt a single project that I touched that didnt require compromises... o maybe except that PETRONAS commercial. Compromises made due to time, environment and budget... and it definitely takes away the FUN of creating music. Even many musicians I met here are just SO jaded that they'll just settle for the mediocre... "It's ok what... you think we got paid US Dollar meh?"

I'm just very worry... very afraid... what if one day this habit of compromise blind me from seeing the perfection that I once knew? What if this learnt habit of bad taste erase my sense and passion towards music? Will it happen? It probably CAN!

So Help ME God shall that day never arrive !!!

Friends? Friends!

Mon, 16 Jul 2007 15:53:17 GMT

I'm a pretty casual guy, non-threatening and friendly I think. I could easily start a conversation with just about anyone... even strangers I met at coffee shop would come up and talk to me. It's weird but I do enjoy talking to ppl.

But since I was back to Malaysia, I do feel kinda lonely. I dont really have any friends that understand me or that I could share with.

Kluang Friends
7 years in the States pretty much pulled me away. For 7 years, MUSIC is my life. I was listening to music ALL day... the only TV I watched was MTV... ALL of me were devoted to that DREAM. Coming back to them was a complete culture shock... money, property, family, kids, stocks, money... though it does get better now...

US Friends
They say some of your truest friends are ppl you met in college or ppl you're with when you're just a nobody. Sigh... but that DISTANCE can be quite a BITCH!!!

New Friends
The only friends I meet now are mostly thru work. Colleagues, students, my wife's friends... some very interesting and nice ppl but none that I could honestly call "my best friend" yet.

Recently, I had a chat with my mom and she brought up something that I've completely forgotten. 10 years ago, on the very morning that I left for US @ Singapore Changi Airport, I was caught in extreme mixed emotions as it was the 1st time I left home, flying alone to a strange country... I knew a lot of words were exchanged but everything was just a blur to me...

I remembered there were some tears but I DONT remember how I said goodbye... I DONT remember how I got on the plane... and worst of all... I FORGOT about friends who went there to wish me farewell. I've been trying very hard to recall that morning but I'm still not sure... I think Leo's there... Sean Chung... Ten maybe... I dont think Lai's there... but were Foo there? Hsung?? I just dont... Call me an ungrateful piece of shit... I really dont mind... but could somebody just tell me about that day ???

I felt really really bad. I always thought things will remain when ppl are apart... I always thought things will be back to what it used to when ppl meet again... BUT I was dead wrong. People do forget things... people do let go of feelings and memories without realizing it... just like I did.

Sorry friends... for being so bad at staying in touch... Sorry friends... for not being a friend !

WARNING!!! Memory Full...

Mon, 09 Jul 2007 15:16:04 GMT

One of the buttons that pushes me to start a blog happened late last year when I went back to US for my honeymoon.

On the 1st day back after almost 4 years, I panicked. My English's no longer as fluent as before... It took me forever just to rent a car... the streets that I once knew so dearly seems so confusing... driving on the other side of the road was hard... The thought of being a hero + tour guide of the year to my wife in US turns out to be just the opposite.

It's like a walk down memory lane... except that I'm lost. All that I thought I remembered, I DONT!!! Ppl's names, stories and moments of my life in US... only when visiting places I once been and thru conversations with friends... that it slowly came back to me. It's scary... and nerve wrecking to realize how FAR I stand now from where I used to be... and it all happened without me knowing it.

A friend once told me, one's memory is like a empty bottle. When it's full, what's spill out is left forgotten. But what makes me who I AM today is what I've been thru. So if I forgot what I've been thru, then who the fuck am I?

Me gotta start writing it down... Me gotta start digging deep to find what's being buried under... before it's too late... before it's completely gone.

Me on a quest to make a backup copy of my journey so far !!!

FINALLY

Wed, 04 Jul 2007 09:39:23 GMT

Maybe I'm just weird but it happened quite a few times a LONG time ago...

When I was in the car driving, I'd looked at the empty passenger seat and wondered, talking to myself... "where are you? How long am I gonna wait till we meet each other? I wonder what you look like... "

FINALLY, I met HER!

Nothing beats turning to your side and seeing a loving smile back at you. Thanks for everything!!!

One Small Step...

Wed, 04 Jul 2007 09:05:58 GMT

So it's the 4th of July... Independence Day of the US. Quite coincidently it's also the birthday of my blog... I sure didn't plan it. The thought of starting a blog has long been on my mind and it is one of my New Year resolution for 2007. 6 months flew by and damn it... it sure is about time to do something!

[6 month recap of my thoughts]

Where do I start my blog? Which blog is easier to use? Which one is nicer looking? Should I write in English or Chinese? If I write in Chinese... my US friends wont understand it. But but,,, there are things better described/ expressed in Chinese... how a? Gosh... been busy.... Sigh... been lazy... I dont wanna start a blog with no update... cos' that sucks! And shit... I dunno how to use my mac to input Chinese words... but my PC cant get on internet... what the.... @#$#%^^$^*#%@$@

That's classic ME. When faced with smaller decisions or too many choices, I dunno what to do. Life will be much easier for me if there are limited choice and possibilities. I'd like to KISS, Keep It Simple & Stupid!!! Anything else confuses me.

So fuck it... I'll start a blog... maybe I'll keep it for a long time or lose interest in weeks. Maybe I'll update it or I wont... who cares? I'll do whatever I please or whatever that pleases me! One step at a time... slow and steady... keeping it simple!